Over the years, I stopped writing blogs because of people (including me) thinking blogs are TLTR and because of the reason, I thought my blogs are not funny anymore (at least I thought it was funny earlier). One fine day came in a news rattling me, forcing me to think about life and how all the world’s a stage.
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts
Do we get to play all parts?
Do we even know all parts that are included in our character or included in the script?
We wait for our entrances (or so we think) but do we accept our exits?
To quote Sherlock Holmes series: “Everybody dies. It’s the one thing human beings can be relied upon to do.” Yet it comes in so surprisingly and it is so hard to accept. Is it because that it is unpredictable or is it because of the fact that we are ill-planned to overcome the loss or is it because we feel our part is still not done?
Though I wish, none of us should go through the experience of having to loose a loved one, I am sure everyone has come across the loss of a loved one. The shock when you hear/see it, the tears that automatically pile up in your eyes, the loss of words to express, the inability to comprehend the situation and even the lack of acceptance of reality!
Maybe this blog will be full of rhetorical questions, but I do know that the loss of a loved one brings all these thoughts to everyone. Again quoting Sherlock Holmes (S04E02) “Once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else.” Apart from the brilliant scripting and dialogue delivery, this is so strikingly true.
If I know that this is the last time I am going to meet someone, this will be the last conversation, will it change?
What I should have told to the people I care about which I cannot tell now?
What I should have done before it was too late?
Am I afraid of death or Am I afraid of not knowing that I have no control over when it is?
How is my family going to manage without my paycheck next month?
Well obviously, none of the questions above are as important as the below one. I am sure the questions which are not going to let me rest in peace are:
Is anyone going to unlock my phone and see my chats/conversations?
Is anyone going to check my browsing history?
Is anyone going to find out about the hidden booze bottles and pack of cigarettes?
Is anyone going to tell my ex about this?
What is going to happen to my FB account?
In loving memory, of my friend. Though it is unfair that he didn’t get to play all parts, I am sure he played an Oscar-worthy performance and led a full life. To my friend, to a genuine human being and to an asshole who rushed towards his exit.
Probably this is one of the many posts on internet on Quarter life crisis but I give a damn, I need to write one on this. I always felt quarter life crisis was little over rated until my recent (read it 4 months back) visit to Bangalore for my UG friends reunion.
This phase of life is really a bad part, you are caught in between two worlds. You can’t accept the fact that you are growing old and at the same time you can’t be a part of the younger generation too. You feel that the 90’s, so-called Gen Z’s, way of thinking is too amateurish to accept nor the way your elders expect you to be is totally unrealistic. Whatever was cool during our golden days are not cool anymore. Definition of boozing has changed from throwing out to getting hurt after being drunk, definition of dating has changed from awesome dinners to awesome breakfasts, definition of bunking classes has changed from proxies to changing the faculty and lot more thought process changes happened in just three years. You suddenly become the oldie and matured guy where people can’t believe you could have been the crazy guy once upon a time. But back home still you are the good for nothing lazy laid back guy who doesn’t know what to do with life!
You don’t want to do a 9 to 5 job so you go back to a B-school only to realize you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. You don’t want to be in a serious relationship so soon only to realize the entire meaning of relationship has changed these days.
Once you turn 25, things change:
All elders around you start expecting that you have a perfect career planned out.
Your parents start joking about your marriage when you still haven’t shaved since your last breakup!
You realize that your drinking capacity has reduced but you blame it on “i-don’t-like-acting-stupid-getting-drunk”.
You can suddenly feel that there are no single girls around. If there are, they see you like uncles and bhaiya or rakhi bahiyas.
You never understand why you wanted to do whatever you are doing now.
You realize that rather than knowing what you want to do you will know what you don’t want to do.
You feel that people around you are having a ball either by changing jobs for a better pay or updating FB albums and relationship status after getting engaged or married.
You talk only about girls from your college who got married or committed with some “palak” types guy.
You long for your wonderful past or crib about your future in all your beer sessions!
You start covering your scalp which says “Hi” due to hair fall or you count the number of gray hairs which you wish didn’t exist.
All your ex girl friends have a new guy or has got married to a guy who is rich and living abroad.
Though you pretend not to worry about your package, at the bottom of your heart you feel you are worth more!
Small kids in the neighborhood start calling you “Uncle get the ball please!”
You don’t want yourself to be called orthodox or traditional but you are not open and you have your own idea of preserving culture and all that comes along with it.
You have all the advice on relationship yet you know you will end up with arranged marriage!
The number of Facebook updates you do is inversely proportional to the time you spend on Facebook.
I don’t know why I am writing in bullets. Probably that’s the after effect of lot of PPT.
Whatever be it, this phase of life too will have a lot of stories to tell!
Actually this blog was parked in my drafts for a pretty long time that another month got over. JULY 2010….Well this month marks the completion of 2 years of Professional life. Actually that’s not the reason for writing a blog on this month. This month proved to be the month for a lot of realizations. Such a strenuous month that I couldn’t even complete this blog. Understanding How hard Life can be! How corporate life is a bitch!
The word restructuring can become terrifying. The term process re-engineering can re-engineer a lot of other processes. All you can see around is gloom. You just want to leave the place but still something stops you. May be you are addicted to the pay check so much that you cannot think beyond it. You want to do something you want, you like. Then comes the most difficult question, what you like? what you want to do? That will become another never-ending topic (a blog in itself!!)
The feeling of going to a war field comes up every morning when you wake up. The SIREN sounds and the war beings. You do not know when your number will pop up and you will get a head shot. You try to escape to greener fields but I am too laid back to try that. So its easier to imagine that situation than actually being in that.(<music playing>Wake me up when September ends</music playing>)
Hmmmm….. why I am not saying that’s it!
Maybe like Inception someone planted the idea of loving this in my Head.
Maybe I am forgetting I hate this now and then like Ghajini.
Maybe I just don’t care enough to hate it.
Maybe I need to get stressed up for the love of BUDS every weekend.
Maybe my credit cards bill never let me hate this.
Maybe I just don’t want to sit at home without doing anything. So something is better than nothing.
Maybe I just can’t see my account balance without being refreshed every 30 days.
Maybe I need more push to say the words.
Maybe its just peer pressure, feeling insignificant to say I am jobless
That’s a lot of maybe’s. Figuring out how to get out of this will a take while. At the end the realizations matter.
The quote “The problem with rat race is even if you win you are a rat” made so much sense to me. What is the race for? Should I really take it? If no, what else?
Officially the last post was the only one from my blogs which had no reference to the opposite sex what so ever. Well with the number of people who read it, I could figure what people liked to read. Come on guys. To all those people expecting something spicy 😉 I have one. Alt + F4. This blog is totally unlike me but this week was a week full of mixed emotions. Its more like a page from my personal diary.
After, really, a long time I was not “vetti”, instead was busy with my life which has been really good for the past 2 weeks. No time to add a post or check my comments for the previous one. It feels great when you are enjoying what you are doing. Sighhh..
I went to Chennai not after a long time but for one great occasion. I was expecting a scorching hot Chennai to welcome me but SURPRISE, cyclone Laila!! Everything was well set for my visit and I wanted to take the MTC (Metropolitan Transport Corporation) bus to reach home from Airport. I am not the guy who enjoys bus travels but just because I didn’t use MTC since my 9th grade wanted to take it to reach home. With all enthu started walking to the nearest bus stop and soon I realized it was a wrong decision. No bus stops near by or rather I lost my way and had to walk quite a bit to reach a stop only to know that the bus I need to take doesn’t stop there.
Then there was the great Chennai Autos to save me. The Autowala demanded a huge amount which I felt was little too much before I got in the auto. After a long time travelling in Chennai Autos brought back good memories. Last time I travelled in one the minimum amount was 7 and now it was 14. Then I realized no wonder he demanded so much when the minimum amount got doubled in the years.
Finally, Home Sweet Home. My mom was there as usual to welcome me with her hug and chicken she made for me. It’s that time you realize there are lots in life than the just mundane office and hotel made food. She had taken the week off just to spend time with me and the food that she knows I love without even me asking for it. Where else you get to have bed coffees with lots of love and timely food served hot right in your couch. Realized home is the best place to be.You get to talk so little yet feel like having the best conversation.
My dad came over the next day and we were ready with all the shopping done just before the big day. The occasion was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. I wanted to do so much but my parents wanted to keep it simple. Lots of discussions between me and my brother to plan the surprise gift. Roaming in the rains to get the gifts which will bring that smile and kiss from your parents. Priceless.
After all brainstorming settled for small gifts and the day started. Absolutely no clue for me and my brother as in when and how to break the surprise gift. Went to church, breakfast at Saravana Bhavan. Guests came home. Still no proper time to get the gifts out. Lots of clicks and lots of time to make my parents feel that their kids settled with a card. Finally while all the guests were leaving kept the gifts in a cover unattended in the couch. The moment when my dad believed the guests had forgotten this and left, when we started laughing and when they opened them was definitely better than everything else in world.
Unfortunately vacation had to get over and I had to come back to Pune thinking about the days when I used to ask for money to go outside with my friends to the days when I can get them what I feel they will like. Lots have changed. The love keeps growing. Now here I am back in Pune writing my blog on the eve of my Birthday missing my parents.